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For This Month's Post..

It's February again and you'll hear people start talking about the "love" subject.

To complement, here's a re-post:

Why Are You Being Elusive of Love?

..a question that demands an answer (though I don’t have to).
I’ve always been like that (as far as I can remember).

1.       Grade School: It always enrages me when some little punks blatantly announce how they fancy me which in turn, excite the whole class, and I become the object of teasing. How could they have the guts to say such things when they, themselves, were merely kids? For me, that’s total absurdity! At such a time, we’re not supposed to be intimately thinking of the opposite sex, but to enjoy being children- playing house, princesses, pirates, dolls, and leggos.

2.       High School & College: Ah! High school- the stage of transition. I’m one of those so called late bloomers because I still think like a child. It’s hard for me to relate to my friends who, overnight, suddenly have a gf or bf. And, heck, I always have to be the ‘bridge’ or ‘middle person’. To tell you honestly, it sucks! (Unless they’ll bribe me..haha!) I remember in my freshman year when our MAPEH teacher had us write letters to people we admire. I couldn’t think of anyone so I randomly pick my sophomore buddy in our DAMATH Club. Wanting to impress myself with how well I can write, I (as you probably can guess) search through books and Webster for highfalutin poetic words that express admiration. Little did I know that our MAPEH teacher distributed our letters to all addressees (those who happen to be in our school). She, what?!
That innocent and pompous letter of mine put me in hot waters. Sophomore girls flocked to my classroom to hunt for someone named “Sarah” who dared write to one of the most-sought-after guys in our high school (Honest, I didn't know that. I was just a naive freshman, remember?) Even senior guys (his friends I presume) gave me curious looks and do banters with him. Why? Because he (voluntarily) had them read my letter! (Oh, traitor! I thought he’s a nice big brother!) Fortunately for him, his friend’s sister, (who was my classmate), stayed my tirade by explaining he’s just proud that among his friends, he got the most sensible piece of work. That he didn't really mean to use me nor my poor letter for his own fame. He even wrote back a letter expressing his appreciation. I kept my silence but that demeanor, still, for me is unacceptable.

The rest of my secondary and tertiary school years were just a passing cycle watching youths listen to their hormones and thereby recklessly jump into relationships. They’ll have a blast for sometime then breakups. Soon, you’ll have your girlfriends come crying to you for comfort. It became too common and that got me fed up listening to heart issues. Laughingly, I can recall the times I was accused of being insensitive, heartless, abnormal, or just plain coward to try. I didn't mean to be seen as such but for me, if breakup is the grand end of a relationship, then count me out  regardless of how nice it is to experience being ‘loved and to love’(as they phrase it). I don’t need those warm, fuzzy, mushy feelings when at the end of it; I’ll see my heart broken. And please, don’t get me started with some bighead freaks who thought they can easily sweep me off my feet.

3. 18 y/o onward:  I can’t believe I’m an adult now. No matter how much hiding I’d do for people (especially men) to treat me like a younger sister (and to be genuinely seen as such), the fact couldn't be denied that I’m now a woman- no longer a child or a teen. How inconvenient that is when men begin to notice and see you as a good prospect. It makes me feel like I’m a prey in the den of predators. Hiding, as helpful as it is, isn't much of an option (This may raise eyebrows, I know).  I have no problem with mental, emotional, social, and spiritual maturity, but I don’t want to be coerced to participate in this so-called romance too soon. Not that I don’t experience attraction or admiration towards someone, but I know I’m not fit or qualified yet to even consider marriage.
“Ah..so that tells me you’re scared of commitment.”
No. It’s not the commitment that I’m scared of. I’m scared of my heart. Just an imagination of me acting like I lose my sanity in the name of love (like what happened to most) terrifies me!
“But, that’s how it is in love.”
No it isn't.  I've seen what real love looked like and I’m persuaded that you never lose control. I've seen that in the way Jesus wooed me.
“Yeah, right..Another ‘Jesus is my boyfriend’ freak.”
 Think whatever you like, but I’m not ashamed to testify that before I may have dangerously engaged into a romantic relationship (for the mere sake of experiencing it), Jesus stepped in. He made me fall in love with Him. And I love Him. I really do.
Funny though because at a time when I thought my ‘love issue’ was settled, and I look for confirmation from Him; He remained silent. I checked my heart and there I found that desire exists. I wanted, and have tried to kill it because I was afraid to lose my First Love. Thankfully, He stilled my frantic thoughts. There’s no need for me to do that. It’s not given to me to decide what to do with it and it’s not my place to worry whether He’ll give my hand in marriage someday or not. I just have to trust Him and live pursuing Him and His honor. He’ll take care of the rest of the details of my life.

Conclusion:

Really, I’m not trying to be elusive of love (as some may have wrongly interpreted). But, I am being elusive of many different imitations of love. Men, to get what they want, would try to put their best foot forward. And, boy, they got some serious skills. Like a chameleon, they can easily camouflage into this ‘man-after God’s own heart’ mode. Oftentimes, it’s so convincing that the deception is barely recognizable. Here, I am to be most sober in guarding my heart. When one (who is seemingly close with God) starts sending signals that I’m of interest to him, I try to play it coolly (though inside, I’m a little freaked out). Jesus’ love for me is the pattern (not necessarily the yardstick for we, humans are not perfect) on which I test the purity of a guy’s heart. Does he really love me as Jesus does-not being blind to my weaknesses and quirks? Or does he only like me because he thinks; I’m the personification of the woman of his dreams – the perfect, Prov. 31 virtuous woman? The latter, sadly, has become a common spectacle to me. Some men (especially those in the ministry) may truly be sincere in what they feel. Of course, they’d look for a suitable help-meet. That- is where I try to practice love as a sister in Christ by protecting them from their perfect ‘mental portrait’ of me. They may not understand it (and I don’t explain unless asked) but I would rather risked being misunderstood than for them to be disillusioned.

Then there’s also the type of man who thinks that a woman is the ‘right one’ because through her life and blameless testimony, he’s compelled to seek closer relationship with God. There’s nothing wrong with that but if she’s the affirmation he’ll be depending on, he’ll end up crippled in his faith. God created men to be leaders in all things and that their confidence must first-hand come from Him, not women. Here, a woman who cares on the spiritual welfare of her brother should not just sit and do nothing. Though you can’t do anything about his heart, but at least do something to prevent becoming his distraction. Withdrawal, though painful for him and you (especially if you like the guy too) maybe necessary in this case. No man or woman should become a rival to God in any one’s heart. He, must first ravish our hearts, wholly and completely. Through that, we start to truly learn how to love a person, following the Holy Spirit’s lead and timing.
Besides, He is sovereign. Worry not that you maybe missing your chance for a love story or that you may never meet another guy or girl like the one you presently fancy. He/she might indeed be the one but His right timing is more important than finding the right person.

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Melancholy

"..be faithful weary pilgrim,
the morning you will see..
lift up your cross and follow close to me.."

Singing in halts..
 Tear-filled eyes.. 
 I plod my way down the mountain.

This is just the beginning of God's call to servant hood.
Heartbroken, I didn't think twice to retreat...
Away from the crowd and all the noise..

Needed to, and have to..

Thing is, I couldn't be fully myself while ministering..

The weight of self-denial starts to wear me down..

It sucks when you're composed and clear-headed in public,
but can't restrain your own emotions in private.

Refusing self-vindication, hard as it is, isn't that big of a sacrifice
compared with what was done in the Calvary.

However, it's healthy to be away for some time..
..away with Him in secret..

.. in a place where you could just freely cry
 and pour your heart out.

It's alright...
..just be yourself now..
He listens..
He knows..





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Once Upon A Time....

Missing...
...my childhood days. So simple. So carefree.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who didn't want to grow up and get old. 
Air castles were built and she explored many magical worlds.
When hurt, she finds refuge in the company of her secret friends.
And with her pen, created printed pictures of life-both the beautiful and the ugly.

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who was naive,
 but didn't want whatever innocence she had left disturbed.
When someone tries to pump her budding emotions out,
She'd run like a gazelle and hide.

Once upon a time, there was a blossoming girl left in the open.
She desperately sought for protection from anyone who'd care.

Once upon a  time, menfolk obliviously broke her heart.
Obsessed with their own feelings , they forgot hers.
(It's hard & painful when they want her to be someone she can never be.)


Once upon a time, there was a flourishing girl who's caught in the intersections of life.
Well-meaning people attempted to define her life and future being.
There'd be times she'd want to cover her ears from all the voices,
but she knew that so long as she's breathing, it won't go away.


Once upon a time, there was a girl drifting into uncertainties.
She ought to be like this, or that, and confusion clouded her.
In this ridiculous mess, the Man drew her out.
In Him she found who she really was.

Finally, her heart came home..
Him- her glorious end.
(PP)
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As I follow Him..

  " Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. "
 1 Corinthians 11:1

Follow me...
I believe that means to see what God has done and is doing in my life. You'll still see many imperfections, but He'll surely polish all those. After you have set your eyes on this one handiwork of His, look at Him - my Maker and Designer Who is consistently doing a work in my life.

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Help me..


...become the woman I see in Your eyes.

..not what men thought of me..
..not what well-meaning people expect me to be..

Lord, I just want to be defined by You.

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I Can't Imagine Me Without Your Love...


Reminiscing the times I've wandered around and tried hard to ditch the 'stigma of close association' with You only to end up in Your embrace-ever accepting and forgiving and understanding.





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Love Drizzles


Sudden rain showers!!!
"Please stop it!!!"
Seeing your mischievous smile, I know You won’t heed my plea.

My eyes quickly surveyed the surrounding for a shelter but found none.

The ever persistent me attempted to run but You held me.
“I’ll be drenched!” was my hopeless appeal.
You turned me around to face You.
“Shhh..Everything’s alright. I’m here. Stay where I AM.“

Those words were enough to make me feel at peace.

Finally, a smile parted my lips.

What’s the point of hiding from the rain when you have just been invited to be soaked in happiness?”


(PP)



When the  rain comes, You will....







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No Other Way...

You wouldn't understand God’s love through definitions no matter how theologically they are explained. The only way is to know the Person – Jesus –Who is ‘LOVE’ Himself.
(PP)
But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the LORD which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the LORD. 
 Jeremiah 9:24
   And I will give them an heart to know me, that I am the LORD: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.
 Jeremiah 24:7
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The Lover and the Beloved XI


  (PP: Personal Photo)

My Prince,

I used to be afraid
of falling despite the many times I fell. However, as You reveal more of
Yourself to me, I discovered I no longer fear failures and frequent halts in my
life’s journey. Some people may nonchalantly drop me from their lives, yet You
would be there to catch me. And I will be comforted again – in Your arms.

   Then shall ye call upon
me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
Jeremiah 29:12













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Spiritual Discipline

( PP: Personal Photo)


Spiritual discipline 1: <1 Cor. 6:12>
Don't let anything,(even good things)other than the Holy Spirit of God control you.


Spiritual discipline 2:<Matt. 6:7-13>
Worshipers of different Eastern religions pray that they'll be blessed and to have peace. How do your prayers differ from them?


Spiritual Discipline 3: <Luke 10:38-42>

Busyness in the ministry doesn't equate godliness nor does it count to your personal communion with God.


Spiritual Discipline 4: <Psalm 78: 35-37>
 God isn't pleased with how much we've done in the ministry, but on how much we've loved. How much of your works was done by a heart in love with Jesus Christ?


Spiritual Discipline 5: 

Though you say it with your mouth, you don't really believe you are weak when there's no daily demonstration of dependence that you refuse to move an inch unless you've met first with God in the Word and in prayer. 


Spiritual Discipline 6: 

Call not yourself a good Christian when you can't even act Christlike as a parent, child, sister, or brother before those who see your life at home.


Spiritual Discipline 7:
Be careful not to depend your knowledge of God from books or men. No Christian has a secondhand experience of Christ- only firsthand.

Spiritual Discipline 8:
Be careful not to attribute all things as works of the Holy Spirit. Test everything in the Word.

Spiritual Discipline 9:
Once you've known the beauty and sweetness of an intimacy with Christ, you will never settle with the spiritual emptiness of a complacent relationship with Him.


(List would be updated as I progress in my walk with Jesus.)


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Overwhelmed




How could You just be pleased to lavish all that You are in me when in reality, there's little of me that is spent for You? This, leaves me totally dumbfounded!

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Obsession


( picture from tumblr)

My greatest feat O Lord,
is to KNOW You 
and to discover how much You love me.

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