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Saturday, February 2, 2013

For This Month's Post..

It's February again and you'll hear people start talking about the "love" subject.

To complement, here's a re-post:

Why Are You Being Elusive of Love?

..a question that demands an answer (though I don’t have to).
I’ve always been like that (as far as I can remember).

1.       Grade School: It always enrages me when some little punks blatantly announce how they fancy me which in turn, excite the whole class, and I become the object of teasing. How could they have the guts to say such things when they, themselves, were merely kids? For me, that’s total absurdity! At such a time, we’re not supposed to be intimately thinking of the opposite sex, but to enjoy being children- playing house, princesses, pirates, dolls, and leggos.

2.       High School & College: Ah! High school- the stage of transition. I’m one of those so called late bloomers because I still think like a child. It’s hard for me to relate to my friends who, overnight, suddenly have a gf or bf. And, heck, I always have to be the ‘bridge’ or ‘middle person’. To tell you honestly, it sucks! (Unless they’ll bribe me..haha!) I remember in my freshman year when our MAPEH teacher had us write letters to people we admire. I couldn’t think of anyone so I randomly pick my sophomore buddy in our DAMATH Club. Wanting to impress myself with how well I can write, I (as you probably can guess) search through books and Webster for highfalutin poetic words that express admiration. Little did I know that our MAPEH teacher distributed our letters to all addressees (those who happen to be in our school). She, what?!
That innocent and pompous letter of mine put me in hot waters. Sophomore girls flocked to my classroom to hunt for someone named “Sarah” who dared write to one of the most-sought-after guys in our high school (Honest, I didn't know that. I was just a naive freshman, remember?) Even senior guys (his friends I presume) gave me curious looks and do banters with him. Why? Because he (voluntarily) had them read my letter! (Oh, traitor! I thought he’s a nice big brother!) Fortunately for him, his friend’s sister, (who was my classmate), stayed my tirade by explaining he’s just proud that among his friends, he got the most sensible piece of work. That he didn't really mean to use me nor my poor letter for his own fame. He even wrote back a letter expressing his appreciation. I kept my silence but that demeanor, still, for me is unacceptable.

The rest of my secondary and tertiary school years were just a passing cycle watching youths listen to their hormones and thereby recklessly jump into relationships. They’ll have a blast for sometime then breakups. Soon, you’ll have your girlfriends come crying to you for comfort. It became too common and that got me fed up listening to heart issues. Laughingly, I can recall the times I was accused of being insensitive, heartless, abnormal, or just plain coward to try. I didn't mean to be seen as such but for me, if breakup is the grand end of a relationship, then count me out  regardless of how nice it is to experience being ‘loved and to love’(as they phrase it). I don’t need those warm, fuzzy, mushy feelings when at the end of it; I’ll see my heart broken. And please, don’t get me started with some bighead freaks who thought they can easily sweep me off my feet.

3. 18 y/o onward:  I can’t believe I’m an adult now. No matter how much hiding I’d do for people (especially men) to treat me like a younger sister (and to be genuinely seen as such), the fact couldn't be denied that I’m now a woman- no longer a child or a teen. How inconvenient that is when men begin to notice and see you as a good prospect. It makes me feel like I’m a prey in the den of predators. Hiding, as helpful as it is, isn't much of an option (This may raise eyebrows, I know).  I have no problem with mental, emotional, social, and spiritual maturity, but I don’t want to be coerced to participate in this so-called romance too soon. Not that I don’t experience attraction or admiration towards someone, but I know I’m not fit or qualified yet to even consider marriage.
“Ah..so that tells me you’re scared of commitment.”
No. It’s not the commitment that I’m scared of. I’m scared of my heart. Just an imagination of me acting like I lose my sanity in the name of love (like what happened to most) terrifies me!
“But, that’s how it is in love.”
No it isn't.  I've seen what real love looked like and I’m persuaded that you never lose control. I've seen that in the way Jesus wooed me.
“Yeah, right..Another ‘Jesus is my boyfriend’ freak.”
 Think whatever you like, but I’m not ashamed to testify that before I may have dangerously engaged into a romantic relationship (for the mere sake of experiencing it), Jesus stepped in. He made me fall in love with Him. And I love Him. I really do.
Funny though because at a time when I thought my ‘love issue’ was settled, and I look for confirmation from Him; He remained silent. I checked my heart and there I found that desire exists. I wanted, and have tried to kill it because I was afraid to lose my First Love. Thankfully, He stilled my frantic thoughts. There’s no need for me to do that. It’s not given to me to decide what to do with it and it’s not my place to worry whether He’ll give my hand in marriage someday or not. I just have to trust Him and live pursuing Him and His honor. He’ll take care of the rest of the details of my life.

Conclusion:

Really, I’m not trying to be elusive of love (as some may have wrongly interpreted). But, I am being elusive of many different imitations of love. Men, to get what they want, would try to put their best foot forward. And, boy, they got some serious skills. Like a chameleon, they can easily camouflage into this ‘man-after God’s own heart’ mode. Oftentimes, it’s so convincing that the deception is barely recognizable. Here, I am to be most sober in guarding my heart. When one (who is seemingly close with God) starts sending signals that I’m of interest to him, I try to play it coolly (though inside, I’m a little freaked out). Jesus’ love for me is the pattern (not necessarily the yardstick for we, humans are not perfect) on which I test the purity of a guy’s heart. Does he really love me as Jesus does-not being blind to my weaknesses and quirks? Or does he only like me because he thinks; I’m the personification of the woman of his dreams – the perfect, Prov. 31 virtuous woman? The latter, sadly, has become a common spectacle to me. Some men (especially those in the ministry) may truly be sincere in what they feel. Of course, they’d look for a suitable help-meet. That- is where I try to practice love as a sister in Christ by protecting them from their perfect ‘mental portrait’ of me. They may not understand it (and I don’t explain unless asked) but I would rather risked being misunderstood than for them to be disillusioned.

Then there’s also the type of man who thinks that a woman is the ‘right one’ because through her life and blameless testimony, he’s compelled to seek closer relationship with God. There’s nothing wrong with that but if she’s the affirmation he’ll be depending on, he’ll end up crippled in his faith. God created men to be leaders in all things and that their confidence must first-hand come from Him, not women. Here, a woman who cares on the spiritual welfare of her brother should not just sit and do nothing. Though you can’t do anything about his heart, but at least do something to prevent becoming his distraction. Withdrawal, though painful for him and you (especially if you like the guy too) maybe necessary in this case. No man or woman should become a rival to God in any one’s heart. He, must first ravish our hearts, wholly and completely. Through that, we start to truly learn how to love a person, following the Holy Spirit’s lead and timing.
Besides, He is sovereign. Worry not that you maybe missing your chance for a love story or that you may never meet another guy or girl like the one you presently fancy. He/she might indeed be the one but His right timing is more important than finding the right person.

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