"..be faithful weary pilgrim,
the morning you will see..
lift up your cross and follow close to me.."

Singing in halts..

 Tear-filled eyes.. 

 I plod my way down the mountain.

This is just the beginning of God's call to servant hood.

Heartbroken, I didn't think twice to retreat...

Away from the crowd and all the noise..

Needed to, and have to..

Thing is, I couldn't be fully myself while ministering..

The weight of self-denial starts to wear me down..

It sucks when you're composed and clear-headed in public,
but can't restrain your own emotions in private.

Refusing self-vindication, hard as it is, isn't that big of a sacrifice

compared with what was done in the Calvary.

However, it's healthy to be away for some time..

..away with Him in secret..

.. in a place where you could just freely cry

 and pour your heart out.

It's alright...

..just be yourself now..

He listens..

He knows..

  " Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. "

 1 Corinthians 11:1

Follow me...
I believe that means to see what God has done and is doing in my life. You'll still see many imperfections, but He'll surely polish all those. After you have set your eyes on this one handiwork of His, look at Him - my Maker and Designer Who is consistently doing a work in my life.

"Corrie looked at the man standing in front of her. Instead of seeing his smiling face, she saw the faces of Betsie and her father. The man thrust out his hand to shake Corrie's and as he did so, hatred filled her heart. She would not and could not lift her hand to shake his. "Oh God" she prayed silently, "Help me to live my message." As she prayed those words, it was though a strong jolt of electricity had run through her body. Her arm stretched out as though she had no control over it and she took the man's hand. As she did so, all the hatred she felt melted away and she knew she had forgiven him. "Yes, it's wonderful to know that God forgives all our sins" she said, meaning every word."

~ Corrie Ten Boom, Keepers of the Angel's Den ~

to a deeper understanding of who God is, yet that understanding has had little impact on my life. And I know the problem is not with God, but with me. What Moses said is true.

  "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."

Hebrews 10:31

It is a fearful thing to be exposed to a lot of biblically sound doctrines, but I don't act upon the truths heard. It is even more dangerous to teach those truths, yet my life doesn't reflect it. And the most terrifying of all, were the times my lips uttered "Lord, I love you' but my heart was busy pursuing many things other than Him. Hence, that plea from Corrie Ten Boom really sticks out to me.

  

 A Prayer :

 "Lord, I implore You. Help me also live my message. Pour Your Spirit in me. I'm incapable of imitating Jesus without Your Holy Spirit. Forbid that I'll turn to a Pharisee saying ' I believe..' but has no living  proofs of those beliefs in my Christian walk."

 ( photo from tumblr)

For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:   But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;   And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:   That no flesh should glory in his presence.   But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:  That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord. 

~ 1 Corinthians 1:26-30 ~

That the trial of your faith, 

being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, 

though it be tried with fire, 

might be found unto praise and honour 

and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

1Peter 1:7

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To my shame, other Christians are and were presently being tortured for their faith yet endures for Christ's sake. They didn't and won't deny Jesus at the cost of their lives while there was me,

denying Christ over superficial things.

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When I don't deprive myself of fasting from blogging and internet usage, 

I have already denied Christ. 

When I refuse not to finish a good movie in the evening 

so I'll have time with God, I denied Christ.

When I fail to be gracious to those who irk me, I denied Christ.

When I stop learning unconditional love towards the people

 who stretch my patience, I denied Christ

Most of all, if I can't consent to be vulnerable to criticisms, 

and  the possibility of being misunderstood because of my faith, I denied Christ.

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As for vulnerability,

there may come a time that I would get fed up with everything.

Yet God, willing to show the abundance of His grace,

gave me a verse, and I thank Him for it.

 If thou hast run with the footmen, 

and they have wearied thee, 

then how canst thou contend with horses? 

and if in the land of peace, 

wherein thou trustedst, they wearied thee, 

then how wilt thou do in the swelling of Jordan?
Jeremiah 12:5 

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Like Bro. Paul Washer, this verse speaks to me:

"If I can't live with tiny discomforts in life, 

how would my faith be when greater tests come?"

One of my favorite Cordilleran praise songs.

Below is  a translation I made from the song:

Jesus Christ when we ponder,

Your sacrifice at Calvary.

How great is Your love,

To us mankind.

When we look at our lives,

We're not worthy to behold You,

Because we are all sinners.

Father God, we thank You

For the life that you give

To whoever that believes in Your Son, Jesus Christ

Hallelu..Hallelujah

We praise You!

To You, we give all

Love, praise, and glory.

(photo from tumblr)

  Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,
~ Philippians 3:8~

As for her, she doesn’t want to content herself just knowing things about God and relying on secondhand information about His Person. She is resolved to be among those who know Him, personally and intimately. And He is letting her. He has given her firsthand access to Him. She does this not to repay Him for everything He’s done nor to gain favor in His sight. It isn’t because this is what a Christian does. Rather, because this is what a new creature in Christ is. Every fiber of her being is now dependent upon the union of her soul with Christ.

 “If my life is surrendered to God, all is well. Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril in His hand but would be safer in mine!”
― Elisabeth Elliot“

By trying to grab fulfillment everywhere, we find it nowhere.”
― Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity

   

“Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His lordship.”
― Elisabeth Elliot

 

 “I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it.”
― Elisabeth Elliot, Through Gates of Splendor: 40th Anniversary Edition

a colloquy with Jesus on...

Psalm 37:4  

Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

(photo from tumblr)

I can't say that I fully comprehend what I'm asking, but please give me Your heart.
The heart brimming with an unquenchable passion for God.

The heart so pure that it doesn't get entangled with pride and self-glorification. 
The heart with a singular delight of seeing pleasure in the face of the Holy One.

Give me..
the heart
whose longing
 is for God 
to satisfy 
the desires 
He has placed on it.

Sometimes, stepping back from "radical, 'action now' for the great commission" type of mentality is healthy for your spirituality. I understand the feeling of being burdened for the lost.Hence, we tend to make plans and strategies on how we can bring more people to Christ by starting this or that ministry. We do have good intentions, but the way most Christians do the 'Great Commission' these days seems to me that we're outrunning God. Having said that, I'm guilty and not excluding myself  from that same fault. Finally, after some hard-learned lessons, I resolved to let God be God on how He runs things. So instead of praying that He'll send me somewhere(where there's less or probably zero knowledge of the gospel), or let me handle some ministries(just to make myself 'useful' in His kingdom), I settled with just having the privilege of seeing Him do mighty things for His glory. I can only wait with excitement and anticipation as He does all the work of drawing people to Himself. Does this mean I'm advocating laziness in laboring for the 'Great Harvest'? Of course not! No true follower of Jesus keeps his/her mouth shut from speaking of Him. In fact, he/she likes bragging about Him because He's rightfully worthy.

You might be scratching your head now thinking,' just what point am I trying to make here?' Nothing big. God just made me give up all self-efforts of trying to be proactively 'helpful' for Him. I'm bad at it anyway. He's the Driver of my life, so I shouldn't be a backseat driver pointing directions on where He should lead me. 

He's tirelessly seeking my other lost brothers and sisters, and He's taking me with Him! Yay! Where He leads, I'll go and where He stops, I'll stop.

I am nothing without You
O Lord, don't even let me try
To live without Your Spirit's power
For I know I'll stumble every time
Lord, I need You
I am nothing without You

~ from the song 'I'm Nothing Without You' by Leslie Ludy ~

(photo from tumblr)

I want to take Your Word

And shine it all around

But first, help me to just live it Lord

And when I'm doing well

Help me to never seek a crown

For my reward is giving glory to You

~ from the song: 'O Lord, You're Beautiful'~

(photo from google)

"The purity of your intention does not cancel the effect of your appearance."

~ Albert Martin~
Listen to the whole sermon here