When I Find Him....

It's a painful realization yet it's true. We go through times where we become complacent and Jesus is nothing but a routine. Perhaps, you can identify with me. So what are we to do with it? Make pity party for ourselves? Draw away because we are so undeserving to get near His presence? Realize that the focus was never about how much we love Him. Rather, it was all about the full expression of  His attributes and character in Your life. He is not just mighty to save. His love is the greatest to cover your shortcomings.

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By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.  I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.  The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?  It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me.

~ Song of Solomon 3; 1-4 ~

( ....excerpted from my journal dated 4/05/2011.....)

My heart is sorrowful tonight. Many times I have sinned against You. I'm not loving You as You deserved to be loved. I'm letting things,yes, even good things steal my heart away from You.

Away from having sweet communion with You in prayer and devotion.
Of being alone with You.
Of being still and silent, waiting for Your presence to engulf me.
Knowledge about You is useless if my heart is dull. I'm afraid of my heart Lord. How fast it grows cold. I don't want to stay this way!

I want to desire You!
To love You deeply!
That all I'll ever breathe is You!
That every rhythm of my heart sings for You!
For my heart to skip a beat at the mere thought of You, at a single utterance of Your Name.
 I want You to be my greatest obsession!

 My heart, my heart oh God! Help me for I'm desperate! Say again to my soul that I am Yours. I beg You! The inner witness of Your spirit is my only consolation. Only You dear Jesus! I don't want any other man to tell me You love me. Shed abroad Your love in my heart.